Tabbers, Daddy and Buster Brown

So I would like to make a to do list of things that I need to make sure and accomplish on this wonderful day.  I’ll start by showing up early and walking in letting the door slam behind me hard or I may leave it open if it is winter.  I will immediately proceed to the living room where I will drop off my coat, shoes and backpack.  (why do I have a backpack?  Cause its part of the story)  I will flip on the TV and turn to a show that I want to watch with the volume about two spots down from the max.  Well, what to do now, I know, I could go for a cup of tea.  Oh no, I won’t need a glass, the coffee pot should work just fine.  Here let me just add 18 bags of tea and let that simmer on the counter.    While I am here,  think I will have a bowl of cereal.  But I don’t want milk on it.  I know, syrup sounds like a good idea.  Oops, dropped it all over the floor.  The kitchen floor is now a veritable mine field of little captain crunch balls and syrup.  It seems dark in here.  I better turn on every light in every room.  That should help. 

After my trip I could sure use a shower.  One thing that is important to me when showering is to feel the breeze so I better leave the shower curtain open.  And no towel for this cat, I will be air drying on the part of the floor that does not have a rug.  And now for good measure, I will leave my first deuce unflushed in the toilet, but defiantly not my last.  

 I was eating gum and suckers on the ride over and don’t know what to do with all these wrappers.  I will put them in the couch until I am ready to throw them away.    Well, I am bored now, what do to?  I know, I will go jump on the new bed for awhile.  I am sure the mattress needs breaking in.

Abigail just walked in and seems upset that I painted the bathroom wall with nail polish, I try to tell her I thinks it pretty but she is having none of it.  Now Mark wants to know how the downstairs sink got broken .  I forgot to tell him that I was washing my rock collection and that happened.  Ok, almost done, just need to touch the TV screen with my hand repeadtly, put something in the freezer that doesn’t belong there, fix the computer so the toolbar disappears and hide the TV remote in a drawer.

So Mark and Abby, that’s the list.  I cant wait to come over.  We will have so much fun.  What are we having for dinner?  I don’t like that.  Can we go to DQ? 

Now lest you think that I am in anyway complaining about my kids or unhappy with them at all, just remember this.  I am talking about a house.  What makes all this tolerable is that we live in a home.  That home is filled with love, joy and laughter.  But our house gets trashed on a daily basis. 

They like to steal your toothpaste.           

They make noise while you are trying to watch TV. 

They wake you up in the middle of the night.

 They playfully hit you in the face or kick you in the junk. 

Throw food they don’t like on the floor

“Play” with dishes all over the house

Make a poopy on the floor

Why would you have this house guest?  Cause they look like this:

Ms. Ell Bell

I was standing just to the left of this picture, ok not really.

So me and a friend decided to go up there that afternoon and watch the semis unload and see what we could see.   As we were strolling around the dome to find our best spot to “stake things out”, we came across an open door.  Well, an open door spells open invitation and we sauntered into the dome.  It was perfect we had a birds eye view of the KISS road team setting up the stage and the various props.  As we watched for awhile, there suddenly came this idea.  You could almost see the light bulb go off right above our heads.   “Let’s go down there and really get an up close and personal view.  So we marched down the stairs right onto the dome floor.  There were about 60 people milling about so it was easy to just blend in.  Suddenly one of the road managers yelled out “all right everybody; we need you all on the south side to help move the stage.  Suddenly the whole crowd was moving to the south side and we with them.  The next thing I know, I am grabbing onto the KISS stage and helping move it (it was on rollers) .  Imagine my elation at getting to help move the KISS stage.  When finished, I stood there looking around grinning like an idiot but was quickly interrupted by a rough voice that told me I was getting paid to stand around and that I needed to help bring in guitars.  Who was I to tell him I was getting paid at all.  I didn’t want to get into trouble with my fake job so I walked around to the back.  Ted Nugent was the opening act and apparently has so many guitars they need to be brought in on a wagon.  By this time I have the self appointed title of “Keeper of Nuges Guitars” and am happily unloading them to stage left.  Now my new “boss” rolls over and tells me that the oxygen tanks need to be put up in the front.  So I take my dolly ( I still don’t really know where I got the dolly but I am chalking it up to the KISS GODS) and moving rather larger oxygen tanks to the front.  At one point , the guy in front of me almost drops his (amateur)  One of the roadies yells at him that if that falls, the person behind him (which is me) could die.  Well, my new non-paying, no benefits and potentially illegal job just got dangerous.  What was the point of the Oxygen tanks?  Apparently they have something to do with all the pyro that KISS lets off during their show.  After carefully unloading these deathtraps, a man approaches me with a skeptical look.  This is it!  I am going to get busted.  When he reaches me, he asks if I work there.  I reply “well I am working”  Nice answer, no lie here maybe a bit of deceit but I WAS working at the time.  He then tells me he needs to place the backup generator for the show.  Sometimes during show, KISS will blow the generator and need their backup to be in a safe place.  I nodded knowingly.  After all, I am a member of the KISS army.  I looked over to the back left and saw the perfect spot.  “over there, I pointed”  to which he gave me a nod and a thanks dude.  Now what is the perfect spot?  Well, when you are panicking, it’s the first spot you see and that’s exactly where I pointed to.  And you know what?  That’s exactly where it sat that night at the show. 

Not much to report after that.  At one point somebody told me to take lunch, so I did.  KISS does not serve very good sloppy joes and then they told us to report to the floor right after the show. 

So, the show was great.  If you ever get the chance to see KISS live, do it!  To my knowledge, my backup generator was not called upon but sat safe all night in its spot. 

After the show, we just stayed on the floor and waited.  Sure enough, there came my crew and they started working.  However, this time, two guys who looked to be in charge came our way.  The first was the road manager for KISS .  He looked at me and my friend, then back to the other guy and said “These guys aren’t with us”.  The second guy who turned out to be the Dome manager said “well they aren’t my guys” At which point, they both turned to us and asked the inevitable question.  “Who are you guys” My friend was quick thinking and said “Some guys with long hair asked us to help setup” A beautiful answer on so many levels.  It’s technically true.  When pressed for who this was, we said “well he had on a black t-shirt”.  Now, you may know this already but that description fits not only the entire roadie team but also ANY roadie that has every worked for any band.  Finally they told us that we would not be paid for our efforts.  Maybe by your standards we will not be paid but I just found out what it is like to be a roadie for KISS.  I have carried and cared for Nuge’s guitars.  I was almost killed in oxygen tank mis-hap.  I got to take lunch.  I am the one who decided where the backup generator went for the show.  I touched the stage.  The stage that has blood stains from Gene’s wicked ass bass solo and he spits blood all over.  Oh I was paid kind sir.  I was paid more than you can imagine.  I didn’t say any of that, we just muttered  “ok” and left.

 As a side note, we headed up to the private airport in Fargo right after that.  Shortly thereafter, a van rolled up and had all four members of KISS in it.  They were unbelievable nice.  My friend got all four original members to sign his shirt. 

Here’s to you Mr. Carry on 4 bags to the plane.  A suitcase and a laptop aren’t enough to hold all your stuff.  No, you need a backpack and Man purse too. 

If you had room you would have packed a Pic A Nic basket, Hey Boo Boo

You look like you are going on a Mt Everest expedition

Here’s to you Mr Drunk Singing  the National Anthem too loud at a local sporting event.  You can’t be bothered by things like getting the words right.  You need to let Freedom rain

Or the band of the free and the house of the (insert local mascot here)

Not content to just scream the song, you also take on the role of choir leader and wave your arms wildly in an attempt to get everyone into the song.

Here’s to you Mr Facebook quiz guy.  We all wanted to know what Star Wars character you would be and were surprised to find out it was Boba Fett

At least you didn’t get Jar Jar Binks

Thanks to your tireless efforts filling out quizzes, we now know what breakfast item you are, who would play you in a movie and what your Smurf name would be

Too much time on his hands Smurfy

Here’s to you Mr. Horrible at describing what he saw on SNL.  You who called in dink in a Christmas present or the hilarious recount of the that Bee Gees Guy talk show.

My cowbell has a fever of 100 and two

The rest of us can do something else on Saturday night knowing we will get a rough patched together re-telling of the episode complete with bad impressions

The Fred-inator making faxes, send e-mails

I am hoping to attend both for the benefit of our company and the personal growth that I could receive.  Hope to see you there.

10. Ease on Down the Road:  I don’t know who actually gets credit for this song on iTunes, but dam.  Why is this song still not on Billboards top 100?  Heavy cool 70s base, funky dance. I defy anyone to listen to the entire song and not smile

9.  State of Shock: A duet with Mick Jagger.  Need I say more?

8. Blame it on the Boogie:  I just got this one a few years ago.  Where had this gem been hiding? 

7. You can’t win.  Ever wonder how Mike would have done with more of a jazz feel.  Wonder no more

6. Thriller. I know, this is a big hit.  But the reason I have it here is the following.  Thriller gets a lot of attention for its video.  The short film.  And yeah, it was a cool video that had never been done before.  But this tune is rocking.  It needs no video or Vincent Price voice over to make it work.  There just isn’t a bad note in this whole song.  (By the way, When I was growing up Vincent Price was everywhere.  Thriller, playing the bad guy on the Brady Bunch and he also appeared in a shit-load of Scooby doo cartoons)

5. Somebody’s Watching Me:  Done by Rockwell and now appearing in those annoying that’s the money you could have been saving with Geico or whoever.  MJ sings the chorus on this song and he makes it.  In fact, the parts of the song that Rockwell sings blow like the wind.  But the chorus is vintage Mike right during his Thriller days. 

4. Just Good Friends.  Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson.  These two could sing anything and make it sound good

3. I can’t help it.  From the album Off the wall, it’s got a great R&B beat.  I used to listen to this one over and over when I was thinking about whatever girl I was never going to ask out. I couldn’t help it.  Get it?

2. Say, Say, Say.  A duet with MJ and Sir Paul, but this tune is more Michael.  It also brings up the point of why doesn’t every song have a cowbell or harmonica in it?

1. Can you feel it:  From the Jacksons on some tour that probably bombed or got cancelled due to a sick monkey?  Classic MJ sound.  The chorus with the Jackson 5 guitar is sick.  You can almost hear the introductions being made:  Disco this is Funk, Funk this is Disco, now you two play nice.

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Before the chrome tidal wave

2003 Blue Dodge Ram AKA “The Mayor”.  I was so excited to get my first truck.  I did not meet a truck accessory that I did not want to put on it.  It literally looked like a Truck Accessory store threw up on my truck.  Here is a list of the many products that I placed on it.  Chrome grille insert, Chrome bug shield, chrome headlight covers, nerf bars, chrome mirror covers, bed caps, tonneau cover, bed liner, chrome tailgate handle, taillight covers, new taillights, air intake system, led tailgate bar, dash kit, interior neon vent lights, snow plow, pickup bed storage unit, fuel door cover, pillar post…. You get the idea.  This truck had so much chrome on it, I don’t even know if it was street legal.  Way too much going on here.  Lesson learned, take it down a notch. 

So with the next truck…

Looks good..

2005 Black Chevrolet Silverado, Crew Cab AKA Maybelline.  Now I was wiser to the ways of Truck Accessories.  I knew that sometimes less is more.  Take your time and ease in to things.  We started out with a black soft roll up tonneau cover.  20’ chrome wheels.  Huge chrome nerf bars.  So far so good.  (Although, the bigger the nerf bars, the more likely they are to brush up and stain your dress pants)
Brushed Nickel Fuel door cover.  Don’t know what I was thinking here.  People tried to get me to add all sorts of stuff including hood scoops, bug shields and underground effects lighting.  I stood my ground.  I am not going to lie; this was a good looking truck.  Simple, elegant and cool.  The drawback, it looked almost too good to do any actual work with.  The first time I had to haul branches, I was terrified it would scratch my paint.  This truck was not bought to be a beauty pageant contestant, we have work to do (for by this time, I had learned all of the benefits of owning a truck) so now I had a great looking truck but not very practical. 
I also bought a 2007 Chevy Extended Cab, tan.  I tried a new experiment of accessorizing it with all black parts.  Big mistake and one I don’t even want to waste your time explaining. 

So now I am again looking to find a new truck.  Not sure what I am going to go with yet.  I am leaning toward the Ford F-150 but also like the look of the new Dodge Ram.  Either way, this go around, I am bringing all my knowledge of truck accessories and am only going to put on the essentials.  So I would like to share with you what has ultimately made my list.  This list will reflect my need to customize my truck and make it look flashy but also hold true to the idea that I need this truck for a variety of different projects and it needs to be practical. 

Tonneau Cover:  This is a must.  It adds a nice finished look to your truck box and also helps protect your gear.  This is always the first accessory I get.  For me personally, I like the soft roll up covers.  Good protection and roll up out of the way.  Don’t need to mess with taking them off.  Personal recommendation:  Literider roll up cover.  Stupid name but it is one of the best values for the money.

Bed Rug:  I love this product.  Its HD carpet for your bed.  Great for when you have to crawl around back there and protects things like luggage or a box full of Christmas presents for the long road trip to grandmas.  You can wash it out with a hose and it holds up to anything.  Be careful when hauling leaves thought as they can be a pain in the butt to get out.

Running Boards:  I don’t know if running boards look as cool as nerf bars but I know they work better.  A bigger flatter surface so that your foot wont slip through he cracks.  I don’t personally need running boards to get in my truck but it helps my wife and kids.  This is one where I am going to sacrifice what looks cool for what works even better. 

Grille Insert:  this is purely a flash purchase, but the front of your truck is making the first impression.  A nice mesh chrome grille insert adds a lot to your vehicles appearance.  My recommendation would be the Putco grilles that just snap right on.

LED Tailgate bar:  This just plain look cool.  I suppose you could argue that they increase the exposure of your turning signal or something but we both know that’s not why you buy this.  My personal recommendation would be anything that you just have to plug in.  Do not bother with any LED bar you have to hard wire.  They are a pain in the ass.

So that’s my list of essentials.  There are lots of great products out there that can enhance the way your vehicle looks or functions, but for me, this is my must have list of truck accessories based on my years in the industry.